1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:06,715
It's The Muppet Show,
with tonight's guest, Mr. Joel Grey!

2
00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:39,080
We use cardboard trays,

3
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:43,793
and every evening after dinner
my wife wipes off the dishes.

4
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,014
Mr. Joel Grey!

5
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,980
Welcome,
tonight you're in for a bit of a show.

6
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:50,151
Do you want to see 4,000 woodpeckers?
perform aerial acrobatics

7
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:55,198
while 87 gorillas and two dozen elephants
dancing the "Nutcracker"?

8
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:59,786
Forget it. We have instead
Joel Gray as a guest.

9
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:03,289
Which is like all the excitement I mentioned

10
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,166
without having to clean up.

11
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:08,294
We're kicking off tonight's show

12
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,463
with "Comedy Tonight".

13
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:41,471
So the show goes off tonight.

14
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:45,767
Yes. It's harder to hit
a moving target.

15
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,606
-Hey, Kermit.
-Hey there, Fozzie.

16
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:55,068
You should go to the cloakroom
and get ready.

17
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:56,653
Wardrobe.

18
00:03:56,736 --> 00:04:00,281
My wardrobe was so small
that the mice got hunchbacks.

19
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:04,369
No jokes now. I'm a tired frog.

20
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:05,578
Tired frog.

21
00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:09,207
I knew a frog so tired
that it fell asleep during the nap.

22
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:13,586
-What is this?
- My new number.

23
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,964
Jokes on any topic.

24
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:18,758
You give the theme, and the bear jokes about it.

25
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,970
-Come on.
- Fozzie, please.

26
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:23,054
Please be kind.

27
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,806
Take my wife, please.

28
00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:28,727
Go to the locker room and get ready, okay?

29
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:32,230
Wardrobe.
My wardrobe was so small...

30
00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:33,440
I have heard it.

31
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:37,652
But what do you think of the number, frog?

32
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:40,905
Well, Fozzie, it has potential.

33
00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,866
You can work on it?

34
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,701
- You big one.
-Alone.

35
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,121
Alone.

36
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,456
Alone.

37
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,499
A bear was alone.

38
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:04,054
Do you want to see Five Temptations?

39
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:08,475
Can you show me a couple?
I'm not so young anymore.

40
00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:11,311
Two, three, four.

41
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:12,771
Two, three, four.

42
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:16,024
I come from
an old family, George.

43
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:19,569
- Mine is older.
- So? How old?

44
00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:22,697
So old that it was condemned.

45
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,449
Two, three, four.

46
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:29,496
My brother is quite a guy.
The girls eat from his hand.

47
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,750
-Is he a lover?
- No, waiter.

48
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,755
I'm hooked on you.

49
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:42,300
So cute. do you love me

50
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,094
No, I'm hooked.

51
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,534
Here's the latest Muppet news.

52
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:11,621
A former daredevil from the circus

53
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:15,208
who called himself
Boffo the human cannonball,

54
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:19,170
shot out of cannon
down a busy shopping street.

55
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:22,132
No bystanders were injured.

56
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,551
Boffo was not so lucky.

57
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,761
Widow Boffo stated:

58
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:30,306
“I have to pick up the pieces
and get on with life."

59
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:35,186
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is with great pleasure

60
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,981
that the undersigned, Kermit Frog,

61
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:42,777
introduces the stage
and the great star of the screen, Joel Grey.

62
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,661
Thank you, Kermit.

63
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,956
I'm glad to be here

64
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,417
as part of the Muppet Cabaret.

65
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:01,338
I never entertained
in such a place before.

66
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,549
So unusual. So bizarre.

67
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:07,635
The most incredible of nightclubs.

68
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,389
Ladies and gentlemen.

69
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,267
Good evening.

70
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,232
Are you feeling well?

71
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:10,281
- I am your host.
- I am your guest.

72
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:11,616
Understood.

73
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:28,508
Life is beautiful here. The customers are beautiful.

74
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,969
Even the orchestra is beautiful.

75
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:34,347
Have you ever seen such a beautiful orchestra?

76
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,060
Maybe in a zoo.

77
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,397
Even the dancers are beautiful.

78
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,694
If the standard is low.

79
00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:00,934
Another star
in the spirit of the great Boris Klinger.

80
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:04,562
Boris Klinger? Oh, you old fool.

81
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:09,109
Boris Klinger was
the worst musical feature in history.

82
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:10,652
do you think yes

83
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:14,364
but it was over 2,000
on his last appearance.

84
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:18,702
Yes. Half brought tar,
and the rest brought feathers.

85
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,458
Hi there, Hilda.

86
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,502
Hey, Fozzie.

87
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:31,172
Fozzie, have you seen my glasses?

88
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,967
Glasses...

89
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,511
I knew a priest who was so devout

90
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:39,597
that he had colored glass in his glasses.

91
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:42,559
-What is this?
- My new number.

92
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,144
Jokes on any topic.

93
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:47,188
Classy, ​​huh? Nothing stops Fozzie Bjorn.

94
00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:49,315
Wish something did.

95
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:52,235
Field. Two bears were in a field...

96
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:55,071
Forget it, I found the glasses.

97
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,782
Found...

98
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,995
Joel, I just can't say enough

99
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,831
how happy we are to have you here.

100
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,583
- Thanks, Kermit.
-So,

101
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,794
you come from a family
of entertainers?

102
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:10,920
Yes, actually...

103
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,590
You first went on stage as a ten-year-old?

104
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,717
- Yes...
- Yes.

105
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,136
You were born in Cleveland, Ohio,

106
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:20,638
but now you live in New York with Jo,

107
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:23,266
and their two children Jimmy and Jennifer.

108
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:26,436
Three cats, two dogs,
turtle and three Frisbees.

109
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,813
-How do you know that?
- Let me ask.

110
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:31,858
Now that you're here, what if you…

111
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:34,444
...tell a little about yourself?

112
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,324
There is not much more to say.

113
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,953
What a badass guest.

114
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:49,167
Nonsense. The young man
is one of the big ones.

115
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,835
Do you hear? One of the great ones.

116
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:54,089
Well, I'm not going to contradict you there.

117
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:57,967
It's the first time we've agreed on anything.

118
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:02,806
No. We agreed on something in the summer of 1912.

119
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:03,890
What then?

120
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,810
That Emperor William looked stupid in a hat.

121
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,270
Do you remember?

122
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,355
No.

123
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:19,155
Turkey. My dream country.

124
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,200
Turkish delight. turkish women,

125
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,369
Turkish coffee and towels.

126
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:28,707
Turkey is close to my heart
in every way.

127
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:31,960
But look,
what kind of eastern moor is approaching?

128
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:33,795
Pachalafaka.

129
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:19,901
To ensure impeccable quality
and moral content

130
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:23,238
am i sam the american eagle

131
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:28,076
proud to present
the song duet Wayne and Wanda.

132
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:31,705
They are excellent singers
who also go to church.

133
00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,770
As I said, soaking wet.

134
00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:01,526
You have to do something about Fozzie Bear.

135
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:04,487
- Yes, he drives us crazy.
-Yes.

136
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:08,992
I'll kill him if he doesn't stop
to joke about any topic.

137
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:12,078
But what can I do about it?

138
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:14,873
Here he comes.

139
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:18,376
If you don't like the jokes,
so don't say anything.

140
00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:23,798
Standing, Kermit? Standing, George?

141
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,009
Standing, George?

142
00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:34,100
Understood. You guys are playing
the quiet game with Fozzie, huh?

143
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:37,062
Let's see. Quiet.

144
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:41,191
I know of a town that is so quiet
that when the light was turned off,

145
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,942
then everyone shouted, "What?"

146
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,528
No.

147
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,823
Her eyes said "yes",
but the nose said "no".

148
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,869
-Fozzie...
-Good, what? Yes.

149
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,747
The jokes are getting tiresome.

150
00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:57,874
Go...

151
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,334
Go away!

152
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:02,462
Walk away? What's the point?

153
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:04,756
There was no point.

154
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,675
It was my wife.

155
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,762
Hello. Why are you wearing a hat?

156
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:13,890
My car is outside. Shall we go for a walk?

157
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,266
Sure.

158
00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:17,977
Gonzo. Hello.

159
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:22,649
I didn't mean a round trip.
It's just a saying, which...

160
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,276
You don't bite the hand that feeds you?

161
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,654
The heart does not break with grief, does it?

162
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:29,739
Nobody talks through the hat.

163
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:33,368
Hope not. I can speak for myself.

164
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:36,079
I am driven to madness.

165
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,998
You were going on a tour.

166
00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:43,753
Tonight you get something special

167
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:46,840
when Fozzie Bear,
the program's great comedian,

168
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:49,676
shows his wit and cleverness

169
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:52,470
in a new comedy number in the top class.

170
00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:56,766
Just say a topic,
and Fozzie Bjørn delivers the jokes.

171
00:16:56,850 --> 00:17:01,312
Here are the west's fastest fur animals,
Mr. Fozzie Bjorn.

172
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,732
Thanks. Yes.

173
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:06,401
Thanks. Love you guys. Yes.

174
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:11,448
Here I am, Fozzie Bjorn,
jokes to order.

175
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:14,993
Say any word or theme,

176
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:18,580
and I, Fozzie Bear,
makes a good joke about it.

177
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,791
Don't be afraid. shout out,
then I call back.

178
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,752
-Come on!
- Amoeba.

179
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,255
He said "amoeba".

180
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:31,968
Sorry, no foreign words. Next.

181
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:34,429
- The word is only foreign to you.
-Yes.

182
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,765
Anyone else? Over there?

183
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:39,768
-You said every word.
-And he said "amoeba".

184
00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,853
- Namely.
- Namely. Amoeba...

185
00:17:43,355 --> 00:17:44,856
Can I take it later?

186
00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:47,067
- Cheater.
- He's a fraud.

187
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,360
Deceptive.

188
00:17:48,443 --> 00:17:51,404
Deceptive. Am I a fraud?

189
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,573
It holds. Give me the floor.

190
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,867
- Amoeba!
- Amoeba!

191
00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:57,702
Right. Amoeba.

192
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:00,914
Two amoebas left a bar.

193
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:03,958
One said, "Is it the sun or the moon?"

194
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:07,087
The other said:
"No idea. I don't live here."

195
00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,219
He made it. He is good.

196
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:17,806
Absolutely. What does "amoeba" actually mean?

197
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,725
No idea. I don't live here either.

198
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,605
The Muppet Players present

199
00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:28,566
an unknown classic by Arthur Doyle

200
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:33,697
which is called: “Sherlock Holmes
and the case of the disappearing tracks."

201
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:41,871
Sherlock Holmes here, Watson there.

202
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:45,125
Oh, Mr. Holmes, I'm glad you're here.

203
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:48,003
It's murder, Mr. Holmes. Murder.

204
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:51,297
Calm down, my lady.

205
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:54,718
Dr. Watson and I will solve the case in no time.

206
00:18:54,801 --> 00:19:00,557
Sure. Holmes solves every crime
by means of deduction.

207
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:05,311
Yes, sir. The body of Lord Bottomley
is over there.

208
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:11,359
Be preserved! Don't look, Watson.
The sight is too gruesome.

209
00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:14,487
What devil could have done this?

210
00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:19,284
I'm Fielding, the butler.
Lord Bottomley lies there.

211
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,830
He's been shot, Holmes.

212
00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:26,666
Yes.

213
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:29,669
Give me a moment.

214
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:34,883
Of course!

215
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:38,011
I'm arresting Fielding for murder.

216
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,430
-Incredible.
- Hair-raising.

217
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:44,351
Elementary. The butler's fingerprints
is on the glass.

218
00:19:47,771 --> 00:19:50,315
The photo shows the butler committing the murder.

219
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:57,447
The murder weapon is in the butler's name.

220
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:04,371
And the eyewitness, the maid,
sealing his fate.

221
00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:05,914
Excuse me.

222
00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:18,468
Pure deduction based on the evidence

223
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:23,598
leads us to the only possible conclusion,
that the butler did.

224
00:20:23,682 --> 00:20:28,937
But Holmes, there is no proof,
so the logic is wrong.

225
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:31,314
Logic is never wrong.

226
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:35,485
If there is no evidence against the butler
and it wasn't me

227
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,696
is the logical conclusion…

228
00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:40,448
- Yes?
-...that you are the killer, Watson.

229
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,714
- He's tough.
-The second logical conclusion

230
00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:59,801
is that without evidence and murderer,
then there was no murder.

231
00:21:03,013 --> 00:21:04,180
Congratulations.

232
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,731
Here's the latest Muppets news.

233
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:15,734
Brooklyn in New York.

234
00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:18,987
Harry Oblong, a retired bus driver,

235
00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:21,364
holding New York hostage

236
00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:25,368
and does not release the state
before he gets $50 million.

237
00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:30,081
The authorities stated
that Mr. Oblong is not quite right.

238
00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:33,376
He won't reveal where New York is,

239
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:37,339
but says the state has food and drink
for ten more days.

240
00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:44,804
Tonight has the big Gonzo
dug deep into the repertoire

241
00:21:44,888 --> 00:21:48,975
to give us a performance
the world has never seen.

242
00:21:49,059 --> 00:21:51,811
It will probably never be seen again.

243
00:21:51,895 --> 00:21:55,148
Ladies and gentlemen, the great Gonzo!

244
00:21:57,817 --> 00:22:00,528
Tonight, dear art lovers,

245
00:22:00,612 --> 00:22:06,034
shall I destroy this vintage car
with a sledgehammer

246
00:22:06,117 --> 00:22:09,621
to the tunes of the "Anvil Choir".

247
00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:17,379
Then I'll eat the crankcase a cappella.

248
00:22:27,555 --> 00:22:31,101
Idiots! Peasants!
What do you know about art?

249
00:22:31,184 --> 00:22:35,105
Enough is enough. I give up entertainment.

250
00:22:38,817 --> 00:22:40,527
Hi, Gonzo.

251
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:43,238
You can call me "Big".

252
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:45,281
Listen, Big,

253
00:22:45,365 --> 00:22:49,035
I saw your show
from backstage,

254
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:52,288
and a couple of things struck me, between us.

255
00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:55,125
Should I wear a floppy hat?

256
00:22:55,208 --> 00:22:57,836
There is no floss hat missing.

257
00:22:57,919 --> 00:23:01,131
This applies to the number itself.

258
00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:04,884
You need some fut.
Do you know what that means?

259
00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:06,553
Let me show you.

260
00:25:43,001 --> 00:25:46,713
Anyone can get applause with such a number.

261
00:25:52,052 --> 00:25:55,430
We thank you
to be with us tonight,

262
00:25:55,513 --> 00:25:58,266
and you will always be willkommen.

263
00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:01,102
Danke schön. It was my pleasure.

264
00:26:01,186 --> 00:26:03,521
The accent can be useful.

265
00:26:04,773 --> 00:26:08,443
Thanks for now,
see you in next week's program.

266
00:26:08,526 --> 00:26:09,903
The Muppet Show.

267
00:26:53,655 --> 00:26:56,241
-More!
-No. Not so loud.

268
00:26:56,324 --> 00:26:57,826
They can hear you.